The Wrong Choice
by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: Dan and Phil both want to tell each other something but when Phil acts upon his feelings Dan makes the wrong choice sparking a catastrophic chain of events. This is my first Fanfic so please review nicely. AmazingPhilxDanisnotonfire


Phil had something to tell Dan. He should have told him in the first moments of them meeting, or maybe when they grew to be friends or at least when they moved in together. But no, he hadn't. But tonight he would. He was determined. He would finally tell Dan how he felt, that he loved him.

When Phil got home Dan was already in the Skyrim position and remained there for hours. Phil didn't mind he was just a bit too good at putting things off. He made them both a tea then retreated to his room and thought over what he was going to do. Suddenly Dan rushed into the room and promptly fell over. Phil rushed to help his friend whilst Dan lay there laughing. Phil pulled Dan up and saw him tower over him. He looked into the hazel eyes and the chocolate hair and the lips so full and he was about to lean forward when Dan turned and left the room yelling after him "I have Buffy the Vampire Slayer ready to go. If you're not down in 3 minutes I'll start it." Phil sighed and looked back at his room and felt a small tear trickle down his face.

Dan sat in the sitting room staring into space. Why didn't he do it? Why didn't he just kiss Phil? Everything would be easier that way and finally he could admit to himself and Phil what he really felt. He heard Phil open the door and sit next to him and he plastered a smile to his face. "Here we go!" he said in a singsong voice wishing he had the courage. He remembered the first time he had realised his feelings for Phil. He was laughing as Phil picked himself up from the ground after sliding down the hill. Phil laughed with him and it was Dan's best memory ever. He had thought that maybe he could finally trust someone and let them into his life fully. Phil had opened his mouth to say something but then gulped and looked away all signs of laughter gone from his face. "Dan." Dan started from his reverie and saw Phil standing above him. "What?" he said confused. Phil laughed "Do you want a tea?" Dan nodded mutely and sat back down. Phil handed him he tea and Dan grunted a thanks. He started the next episode and sat back. He looked sideways and everything changed. Phil was leaning towards him and suddenly Phil's lips on his and it was the best thing. But he had been startled and he hated hat he pushed away from Phil and jumped up. Phil stared up at him but he didn't offer an explanation. He ran out the door.

Phil kicked himself why had he done that? He could have just stayed friends. But no he had to mess everything up. He sat there remembering all the times he'd been so close. Dan, laughing, flicking his hair back or tickling him into submission or sitting on the sofa watching film after film just sat next to each other. He had imagined telling Dan in so many different ways he had imagined how Dan would respond but he had never thought he would respond like this. He felt a hot tear dribble down his face and felt more and more joining them. How had it gone so wrong? He had been staring at Dan for the whole episode and Dan hadn't even noticed Phil nearly got the courage to tell him but he just couldn't. Then he had continued staring at Dan until he found the courage and finally kissed him. He had felt his heart break as Dan pulled away and stormed off. He lay there for hours listening to his phone scream and the doorbell chime but he just sat there. Remembering.

Dan stood in the cold chastising himself. Why had he done that? He loved Phil. Why then did he leap back in surprise? This wasn't how it was meant to go. He was meant to have returned the kiss and everything would be fine. But no he had ruined it. He had destroyed the best thing that could or would ever happen to him. And he had hurt his friend. He fumbled for his mobile and pulled it out quickly punching in Phil's number. It rang and rang and rang. Eventually it went to speakerphone. He ended the call and started again. He tried this again and again. After he was sick of the voicemail tone and had left an extortionate number of messages he walked back to the flat. When he got there he reached inside his pocket for the key and then realised. He'd left it inside. He rang the doorbell but there was no answer. Either Phil wasn't in or he didn't want Dan there. Dan turned from the door and started walking across London to PJs house to crash. When he got there PJ opened the door "Dan what are you doing here?"

"I had an argument with Phil. Could I sleep here for the night?"

"Sure" PJ replied worried "Do you want to tell me about it?" Dan shook his head and walked to the spare room. He never wanted to talk about it.

Phil sat staring as the moon rose and bathed everything with light. He had stopped crying, there weren't any tears left instead he sat in silence alone. As the first hints of dawn came through the window he realised what he had always known. Life without Dan was worse than no life. As he thought this he was ear blinded as the sun's rays caught a long knife that had been left out. Phil stood and walked unsteadily towards it. He reached out for it and debated it. He held it and made his way to the bathroom. If he was going to die he wouldn't make it worse for anyone else.

As the first rays of sunlight hit Dan he was still asleep lost in a nightmare which was all too real. He jolted awake all senses on hyper alert and saw PJ already up. "PJ can I borrow the key we gave you? I need to get back in" PJ nodded too engrossed with Happy Feet to pay attention. Dan grabbed the key and ran across London still plagued with the image of Phil lying cold as stone in an open coffin. He debated whether or not to knock on the door but then decided against it. He quietly opened the door and made his way to Phil's room hoping to apologise. When he got there he couldn't see Phil anywhere but he could see a single post it stuck to the wardrobe. It was covered in a red substance and had 2 words on it. Goodbye Dan. He turned to see the bathroom door half open and pushed it aside to see Phil covered in blood holding a knife. That was the moment Dan's life fell apart more than it had ever done so before. He scrambled over to Phil's side and shouted his name but Phil didn't respond. He couldn't. Dan took Phil up in his arms and tried to find a pulse. He searched for what seemed like lifetimes until he felt it. Weak but there. He grabbed his phone and dialled 999 in desperation. Then he just sat there with Phil in his arms and his blood covering him whispering words of comfort.

"Pikachu

Skyrim

Delia Smith

Malteasers

Phil, please …"

Phil wondered what this being was talking about. His face stared at him through layers of white Phil just wanted to go. There was somewhere better he knew that but his creature didn't let him the chocolate stared at him drilling through the white. Phil tried to tell it to let him go but his voice didn't work.

"I love you Phil I always have. I don't know why I hurt you. I'm sorry" These words pulled at Phil. He remembered this person he felt the chocolate pull him back and he didn't mind. He didn't care as long as this angel stayed. For what else could it be to save one from heaven to return it to earth? But just as he was about to open his eyes a noise distracted his angel and left him without anything to reach for. He fell down past the white to black and let it engulf him.

Dan sat next to Phil in silence as the Ambulance screamed down the streets. The paramedics were swarming around Phil yelling but around Dan was silence. He saw nothing but Phil's face. Heard nothing but Phil's laboured breath and felt nothing but Phil's blood soaking into his jeans. He followed Phil as he was rushed into the hospital until a nurse stopped him and said something but Dan couldn't hear. He didn't want to.

"Mr Howell Mr Howell!" Dan stared at the woman not understanding "Mr Howell. You're not going to be any use to Mr Lester now. The surgeons are taking him into theatre. I suggest you go back home, clean yourself up and get some personal belongings for Mr Lester. " The doctor turned on her heel and strode back leaving Dan alone in the middle of the hospital Phil's blood still staining his hands. He turned to leave. The woman was right; he wasn't any help here.

He opened the door to his apartment the silence enveloped him, choking him. He walked to Phil's room and stood there looking at the slowly congealing blood he broke down there. Tears streamed down his face and dropped to the carpet to join with the blood. He cried and cried until he felt like he couldn't cry anymore and still he sobbed. He stood trying to not look at the floor or remember. He took some new clothes trying to not remember the last time he'd worn them. He got in the shower still sobbing and tried to clean himself of his lovers' blood and his guilty conscience. When he was clean or as clean as he could be he went back to Phil's room and found a few things, little things to remind Phil of the best times. Dan looked for one last time at the bedroom complete as it was with blood and realised he had decided. He went to the kitchen and took a knife which he hid in his bag. If Phil didn't come home neither would Dan.

Phil lay on the operating table surgeons rushing around him yelling for more blood or equipment. Phil just floated. He felt like floating off but something stopped him. Something close to his heart, someone, someone important. Phil knew this but he couldn't name this thing but he could name the feeling. Of course he could, it was love. But just the mention of love can't bring a dead man back to life. It can only trap him and so Phil lay there waiting for his love to free him from his coma.

Dan stood by Phil's bed hearing the nurse explain about his best friend but still not putting it together. Phil was there he wasn't bleeding he was fine. But still the nurse rambled on telling him Phil wasn't asleep that he may never wake up and Dan could just stare at the face of his friend and lover. Remembering the first time he had seen his face. It had been a cold day and Dan was sitting in Shake away in Manchester waiting for this vlogger to turn up. He knew the face but he'd never seen him in person. He tapped his fingers against the table worried, what if he said the wrong thing? What if this person hated him? What if… but no there was no point thinking like that. At that moment the door opened and a cold breeze flew in as did a dark haired stranger. Dan looked over at the door and felt his heart stop. He knew how cheesy it sounded and how fake but it was true. He held his hand out to this man who he recognised now as Phillip Lester. Phil took Dan's hand and smiled. A noise woke Dan from this reminisce he looked around and saw Phil lying on front of him on the bed he was about to move when he heard a doctor saying Phil's name.

"Philip Lester bed three, you see him? Unfortunate young lad currently in a coma, of course he may not die but the chances are… he probably won't last the night" the doctor kept on talking but Dan heard no more lost as he was in that sentence. He stared at Phil's unmoving body the chest which rose by the machines which stuck out from his nose and mouth. Dan put his head onto Phil's chest and cried, cried for all the times they had and all the times they could never have. He cried for all the harm he'd caused Phil and the harm he'd cause his family. He cried for Phil's fate and he cried for his own fate. He took the knife from his bag looking around to make sure the ward was empty and laid his head on Phil's chest.

"I love you Phil. I always have. I will love you forever. I am so sorry."

He cried, his tears falling onto Phil's chest his hand reaching down for his bag. He wouldn't let anything separate them.

Phil felt the creature's warm tears fall to his chest but he was so far gone now his life was a silver cord surrounded by the white. But it was breaking it was already rusted and now nothing could save the cord. His heart and body were broken and his mind would soon follow.

"I love you Phil. I always have. I will love you forever. I am so sorry."

Phil heard this. Heard the creature, which he felt such a strong emotion for, speak them. And that was all he needed to hear. His heart which had fractured came back; all the splinters came together making it better than before, his heart healed, his mind fought and his body obeyed. The cord which connected him to life had snapped but he formed a new cord, to the one man he trusted. To Daniel Howell. He breathed a breath of the fresh air. The air untainted by death or machines. He breathed out into Dan's warm hair and he looked at him, Dan's eyes red and watery from crying so much.

"Hey" croaked Phil. Dan stared into his chocolate eyes which suddenly light up in hope. Dan leaned down and kissed Phil and everything was perfect.

2 months later

The boys were sat in front of a video camera recording the last part of a new Phil is not on fire video. They'd been filming for hours but they didn't mind as long as they were together and safe.

"Dan got one for you now" Dan turned round to face the shorter boy "What do you think of Phan?" Dan chuckled and pressed his lips against Phil's and replied quietly "That's what I think of Phan" Later when they were editing they agreed to cut it out. They would tell everyone but they still had time to, in fact, they had the rest of their lives.


End file.
